You Need to Quit
There are times in our marriages, in our businesses, in our friendships and in anything we commit ourselves to doing long term that we will contemplate quitting.
There are times in our marriages, in our businesses, in our friendships and in anything we commit ourselves to doing long term that we will contemplate quitting. Most of the time, when we think about giving up, we are feeling very negative and we judge ourselves as failing for even thinking that way. My opinion though is that quitting is actually a necessary and monumental step in the right direction when making a long term commitment.
Let me explain.
It is only when you truly contemplate quitting that you can rule out this option permanently. For example, in my marriage of almost 20 years now, we had to get right to the edge of divorce before we could truly commit to each other strongly enough to survive as a couple. We were young, we were broke, we were unsure of who we were as individuals and our life together had only just begun. The idea of bailing out felt worthy of considering.
As two single people learning to become one solidified partnership, there was a great deal of fear in letting go of who we were in order to become our new married selves. So, we needed to go there. We needed to live in separate places for a few days and have conversations about how we would handle separating our possessions, our finances and even time with our young son. We needed to sit with that idea in a way that made it more real than fake. By getting into that part of our hearts that wanted divorce to be an ever-present option, we could see through our fear long enough to determine if it was truly a viable option or simply a shiny, red apple with a rotten core.
So, we got serious about quitting on our marriage.
We allowed ourselves to take a huge bite of that bright red, rotten apple and experience the ugliness hidden under the shiny surface. We experienced it in a way that made us each clear on what we really wanted and in a way that could not be undone. We allowed ourselves to stop thinking that maybe there was someone else out there that would be a better fit. We allowed ourselves to stop thinking that our marriage was part of the problem and not the source of inspiration for solutions. We could stop living with one hand on the ejection button and just commit to battling whatever lies ahead in order to be friends, lovers, parents, partners and a couple for as long as possible.
Quitting on us wasn’t going to make the road any easier. It wasn’t going to make any human being perfect for us. It wasn’t going to give us more freedom or opportunities. Quitting would steal the one person who could see our worst parts and still love completely. Quitting would steal the person whose dreams aligned so well with the others that there was no need to compromise for the other to fit. For us, the costs of quitting were too high and the option of divorce was exposed as a fraud.
Only since that point have we stopped finding fault in the other and looking for reasons to consider bailing out.
Only since that point have we stopped finding fault in the other and looking for reasons to consider bailing out. We embraced fully that our life will have setbacks, hard times and difficulties no matter what. This is not preventable or changed for the better, or worse, based on the other person’s presence in our lives. Their presence only serves to make it all seem worth it. They can make the road less lonely and more joyful. They can support, encourage and challenge your thinking but they are not some sort of magical being that can make it perfect. In realizing that, each obstacle can bring us further into our commitment of facing it all together. Our challenges then become tests of our determination to have it all and stop being tests of our love for each other.
That’s what made quitting a necessary & monumental step in the right direction.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Sometimes contemplating quitting forces you to face the reality that you have been forcing a round peg in a square hole. Sometimes quitting is exactly what needs to be done and that is also the point here. Only in being willing to quit will you find clarity in what you want for your life. Your dreams become reality when you give up on them and allow the pain of watching them fall apart push you to find them again. Your commitment to yourself and your dream life will increase tenfold when see what life can be like when you quit working so hard on what is not meant to be.
This applies to everything. Thinking about quitting on your business? Quit for a day, a week or a month. Spend a lot of time realizing what consequences that has! Will you have to work for someone else? Will you have to change your lifestyle? Will those changes be a good thing? If so, then quit and make room for better. If not, experience fully the pain of making those changes and let that experience change you. Let it recommit you to what you are doing.
Either way, and in any major commitment, quit at least once!